DEPRESSED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Seriously ?!

Well guess I was wrong, something can ruin my mood. Ugh I honestly don't understand why he wouldn't tell me this. He knows how I feel about anything that has to do with her. He might not think about it, but everything still really hurts! Only because I took him back and things are great, that doesn't mean I've forgiven him for what he did! So yes i'm sorry that I get pissed off when it comes to things like this. It's not like I can forget everything in just a day. When I get mad about these types of things I would rather stay quite because i'm afraid that i'm going to say something that's going to fuck everything up again. I know I have him, but only god knows how extremely terrified I am of losing him again. Those were the most horrifying and depressing days of my life. So yes i'm quite hurt you wouldn't tell me that these things happen. 

Only god knows how bad i still want to bash her head into a wall. I don't like her, and never will. Just hope to god she never tries to talk to me because i will hurt her, and not just her but all the other bitches that tried to ruin everything!

EXCITED !!

Super EXCITED !!! I get to see my amazing fiance this weekend! i'm sooo happy and excited! Nothing can ruin my happiness right now.

Praying !

I'm praying that this works out, and that i'll be able to better my life. I just know that if this works out, I won't be so stressed and everything will get better. I have faith in god that he'll listen to my prayers and help me become a better and happier person! Wish me luck....i'm keeping my fingers crossed!

My Little Angel

Look my precious little angel, momma found a picture of when she had you in her belly! I love you my little one <3 You are my everything, and no one will ever take your spot in my heart! 

Memories 💞

The memories inside of this album are honestly my favorite! & I can't wait to keep putting more and more memories in it! 

My Perfect Valentine

Observing the stars, 

You came into mind,

I thought about your love for me,

It's so fine.

Whenever you hug me,

Whenever you're there,

I feel so secure,

I know you really care.

At times we're together,

Not knowing what to say,

All we do is hold hands,

Then our love lights the way.

There are instances we argue,

But time's granted to ponder,

Then we work things out,

It makes our love stronger.

I've nothing to worry about,

Gone are moments, I thought we'd 

part,

Thinking of you makes me smile,

You'll forever be in my heart.

Happy Valentines Day !!!

Happy Valentines Day Everyone !!

I really hope everyone enjoyed this special day with their family & loved ones!
I was able to spend it with my little family! We went to church and the service was amazing and very touching. We then went to eat at Bubba Gump at the Mall of America. Oh MY the food was sooooo yummy! But holy was the mall packed, it looked like there were a million ants walking around you. 


Sadly I didn't have my fiance here with me, but I still had him in my heart. 
The weekend he came to visit me, he bought me my valentine presents so at least I had those! <3
Honestly i'm such a lucky girl to have such a loving and caring man. He is my world, and I can't wait to have him home with me soon. Te Amo Mi Amor.... Forever & Always My Love!

Another very very exciting thing is, that in 10 days its going to be a YEAR with my amazing fiance!
Wow I can't believe its going to be a year already, time does fly! I'm so excited to spend the rest of my life with the man of my dreams!

Well hope everyone has a good night! <3

Wet Dreamz ;) ....... Part 2

You know that feelin' when you finna
bone for the first time
I'm hoping that she won't notice it's my
first time
I'm hoping that my shit is big enough to
fuck with
And most of all i'm praying God don't let
me bust quick
I'm watching pornos tryin' see just how to
stroke right
Practice putting condoms on, how it go
right
I'm in a crib now a nigga palm sweatin'
With a pocket full of rubbers and an
erection
That's when my hands start touching and
her face start blushing
And a nigga roll over on top
And then she get my pants unbuckled and
her hands start rubbing
On me, ooh girl don't stop
It's time for action
Pull out the condoms real smooth, yeah
just how I practice
But right before I put it in, she flinched
and grabbed it and said
" I wanna get something off my mental
I can tell you a pro, but baby be gentle"
'Cause


'Cause I ain't never did this before no
And I ain't never did this before no
And I ain't never did this before no
And I ain't never did this before no
And I ain't never did this before no
I ain't never did this before no
And I ain't never did this before no
And I ain't never did this before no

Alone

From childhood's hour I have not been

As others were; I have not seen

As others saw; I could not bring

My passions from a common spring.

From the same source I have not taken

My sorrow; I could not awaken

My heart to joy at the same tone;

And all I loved, I loved alone.

Then- in my childhood, in the drawn

Of a most stormy life- was drawn

From every depth of good and ill

The mystery which binds me still:

From the torrent, or the foundation, 

From the red cliff of the mountain,

From the sun that round me rolled

In its autumn tint of gold,

From the lighting in the sky

As it passed me flying by,

From the thunder and the storm,

And the cloud that took the form

(When the rest of Heaven was blue )

Of a demon in my view.

Wet Dreamz ;)

Wasn't nothin' like that
Man, it wasn't nothin' like that first time
She was in my math class
Long hair, brown skin with the fat ass
Sat beside me, used to laugh at mad
jokes
The teacher always got mad so we
passed notes
It started off so innocent
She had a vibe and a nigga started diggin'
it
I was a youngin' straight crushin' tryna
play this shit cool
But a nigga couldn't wait to get to school
'Cause when I seen 'em thighs on her and
them hips on her and them lips on her
Got me daydreaming, man what
I'm thinkin' how she ride on it, if she sits
on it, if she licks on it
It make it hard for me to stand up
As time goes by, attractions getting
deeper
Wet dreaming thinkin' that i'm smashin'
but i'm sleepin'
I want it bad, and i ain't never been 
obsessed before
She wrote a note that said "have you ever
had sex before"
Damn


And I ain't never did this before no
And I ain't never did this before no
And I ain't never did this before no
And I ain't never did this before no
And I ain't never did this before no
I ain't never did this before no 
And I ain't never did this before no
And I ain't never did this before no


I wrote back and said "of course I had sex
before"
Knowing I was frontin'
I said I was like a pro baby
Knowing I was stuntin'
But if I told the truth I knew I'd get played
out son
Hadn't been in pussy since the day I came
out one
But, she don't know what
So she done roll back and told me
"Oh you a pro homie? Well I want you to
show me
My mama gone for the weekend
So Saturday baby we can get to freakin"
That's when my heart start racing and my
body start sweatin'
Baby you done woke my lil' man up
I'm thinkin' how that body look naked
when playing on the bed
Teacher please don't make me stand up
I wrote back like "Yeah baby sound like a
plan"
Still trying to play it cool, sound like the
man
But I was scared to death my nigga, my
stomach turned
Talking damn shit knowing damn well I
was a virgin
Fuck


And I ain't never did this before no
And I ain't never did this before no
And I ain't never did this before no
And I ain't never did this before no
And I ain't never did this before no
I ain't never did this before no
And I ain't never did this before no
And I ain't never did this before no



........ To Be Continued

@lelypoo 

Your Choice.

I love you to death, but if you want to leave my life because you can't deal with getting over one simple thing, then that's on you. I'm sorry but i'm not going to stop you! What I told you tonight was probably what you didn't want to hear, but sorry that I want to go on with my life being happy. You mean the world to me, you were there through all my tough times and for that I thank you. But for once in my life i'm happy where I am and who I am. If you walk away, then that's on you! I would love for you to stay in my life forever, but I will never hold you back on anything.

Leave me ALONE!!!!!!!

STOP STOP !!

I'm tried of all of it, no matter how I try to fix the situation, I can't !!!
I don't need you constantly reminding me of what I did, yes I know it was wrong but when you're going through everything I was going through at that point you don't really think about what you're doing and how it can affect someone! so yes I apologize for doing something to help myself, but yet I hurt someone.


Done !

"Dangerously In Love" .... Dedicated to my Fiance !!

Baby, I love you; you are my life

My happiest moments weren't complete if you

weren't by my side 

You're my relation in connection to the sun

With you next to me there's no darkness i can't 

overcome

You are my raindrops, I am the seed

With you and God who's the sunlight I bloom and

grow so beautifully 

Baby, i'm so proud, proud to be your girl

You make the confusion go all away from this cold

 and mixed-up world

I am in love with you 

You set me free 

I can't do this thing called life without you here with 

me

'Cause i'm dangerously in love with you 

I'll never leave 

Just keep lovin' me the way I love you loving me 

'Cause I am in love with you 

You set me free 

I can't do this thing called life without you here with 

me 

'Cause i'm dangerously in love with you 

I'll never leave 

Just keep lovin' me the way I love you loving me  

And I know you love me, love me for who I am 

'Cause years before I became who I am, baby, you 

were my man 

I know it ain't easy, easy loving me 

I appreciate the love and dedication from you to me 

Later on in my destiny I see myself having your child 

I see myself being your wife and I see my whole 

future in your eyes 

Thought of all my love for you sometimes makes me 

want to cry 

Realize all my blessing; I'm grateful to have you by 

my side 

 I am in love with you 

You set me free 

I can't do this thing called life without you here with 

me

'Cause i'm dangerously in love with you 

I'll never leave 

Just keep lovin' me the way I love you loving me 

'Cause I am in love with you 

You set me free 

I can't do this thing called life without you here with 

me

'Cause i'm dangerously in love with you 

I'll never leave 

Just keep lovin' me the way I love you loving me 

Every time I see your face my heart smiles 

Every time it feels so good it hurts sometimes 

Created in this world to love, to hold, to feel, to 

breathe, to love you 

Dangerously in love 

I am in love with you 

You set me free 

I can't do this thing called life without you here with 

me 

'Cause i'm dangerously in love with you 

I'll never leave 

Just keep lovin' me the way I love you loving me 

'Cause I am in love with you 

You set me free 

I can't do this thing called life without you here with 

me 

'Cause i'm dangerously in love with you 

I'll never leave 

Just keep lovin' me the way I love you loving me

@lelypoo

Doctors -.-

Well from the looks of it I will be visiting the doctors more often. So over constantly being sick, I don't know I guess its my fault. I really should be taking better care of myself, but I don't have time to do all those special shakes and all the healthy cooking. All of that takes time, which I don't have!

I woke up with a fever yesterday morning, which stopped me from going to work. Even my sister has noticed that I've been sick a lot. So i'm taking her advice on going to the doctors to figure out what the hell is wrong with me. I hate going to the hospital!! Ugh just walking into the hospital makes me panic and I get major anxiety. I still remember when I was extremely sick, that I basically lived in that stupid hospital, I started shaking so bad that the nurse had to come out and give me a shot to calm me down.

Just praying that its nothing bad and that I just have a stupid immune system! 

Went to Walmart and bought some things that might help, well i'm praying that it will. I seen some things that I want to get for when Chance and I get our apartment. Oh my they have this camo recliner that I defiantly want to get. I'm just so darn excited to have my man with me again and have our little family together. *LOL* I should probably start writing down the things we're going to need, because I know with my memory i'll forget!

@Lelypoo 

Killing Me Softly With His Song

Strumming my pain with his fingers

Singing my life with his words

Killing me softly with his song

Killing me softly with his song

Telling my whole life with his words,

Killing me softly with his song

I heard he sang a good song, I heard he had a style

And so I came to see him, to listen for awhile

And there he was, this young boy, a stranger to my

eyes

Strumming my pain with his fingers

Singing my life with his words

Killing me softly with his song

Killing me softly with his song

Telling my whole life with his words,

Killing me softly with his song

I felt all flushed with fever, embarrassed by the

crowd

I felt he'd found my letters and read each one out

loud

I prayed that he would finish, but he just kept right

on

Strumming my pain with his fingers

Singing my life with his words

Killing me softly with his song

Killing me softly with his song

Telling my whole life with his words,

Killing me softly with his song

Strumming my pain with his fingers

Singing my life with his words

Killing me softly with his song

Killing me softly with his song

Telling my whole life with his words,

Killing me softly with his song

My Angel !!

My Angel... ohhhh my dearest little angel, you have no idea how much you've crossed my mind today. Work was so hard for me, I couldn't concentrate because all i had in mind was you! Wondering how you're doing and who you're next to. I was remembering the first time i felt you move, that was honestly the happiest day of my life. But sadly my little one not a couple days later you left me! I was devastated.... i was hurting, but it wasn't any kind of hurt it was the type of hurt where you can't breathe, you feel like everything is caving in on you, you can't move, and all you want to do is give up! I'm soo sorry my precious little angel for what i did. I should have been more careful, more alert on what could have happened and what actually happened. You are my absolute everything, you are my guidance on what i should do in life. I want to make you proud! I want you to be able to tell all your little friends in heaven that i'm your mommy and that everything I've accomplished has been for you. I bet you've grown and are a beautiful Angel !!!

My Precious Little Angel Don't Ever Forget That Mommy Loves You <3

Fly Time Fly !!!!!

Time needs to hurry up and fly by so I can have my amazing fiance with me & so i can get out of here too. Don't get me wrong I love my sister to death, but honestly i need time away from her. It was nice coming back and getting time to catch up with her and everything, but living together mmmm no. We are so different which makes us bump heads a lot, & it doesn't help with her kind of attitude too. I'm just so ready to find my fiances and I's apartment and be able to settle in and live happy once again. I know there will come struggles and arguments but i know that we are stronger now and we'll be able to get through them.

Having him by my side has honestly made me so much happier. I feel like i can breathe again.... I'm not always stressed out, i think more clearly, and i don't have to keep everything bottled up anymore. Now i know that i can address a situation without having him get mad or causing a fight because he's now willing to listen and understand. That's all i ever asked for, was for him to understand how difficult things are for me. 


I admit i'm not the easiest person to deal with, i have my ups and downs. Sometimes it feels more like downs, but now with him standing next to me and him cheering me on to better my life, it makes me feel like i can do anything i set my mind to. Before i was so afraid on doing things because i didn't want to upset and or worse disappoint people with my actions. Now i'm not afraid because i know he'll still be standing there next to me. 


I honestly can't wait to become Mrs. Hintz !!! I'm ready to start my forever and always with the love of my life.... Chance Arlan Hintz ..... Te Amo !!!!! <3

Update !!! ❤️

Quick update !! 

Well it's been about three weeks since I started working at my new job, & so far everything is going good! 👌 Chance was able to come visit me last month & it was absolutely amazing 💜 we went to the Mall of America & did some shopping and got on some rides! It hurt so bad to say bye to him, but soon he'll be here with me 💑