Hey Baby Girl

ohh it’s so hard 😣

It’s so hard to even look at pictures of us now.

It’s hard to look at pictures of us and thinking was this taken before or after it happened?

Nights have become longer .... & sleep has become less.

I only hope that my baby girl never finds out about how much daddy hurt mommy 😢

I hope she knows mommy stays strong for her.

I hope she knows that I’m trying to give her the life she deserves, even if that means mommy has to suffer. 

I hope she knows I’m trying to be the best mom I can be. 

  

Things between mommy and daddy might never be the same again & maybe we might not show love to each other...,

But we will ALWAYS show love to you baby girl 💜 

More then ever !!!!!!!

Scared...😣😣

I’m so scared!

I’ve been having those thoughts....
The ones that make me want to feel physical pain. But I dont want to go back to that. I don’t want to be that girl who had scars everywhere. I want to be strong .. I don’t want to give in. 

It’s just sucks that I’m having all this pain but I can’t feel it. I want to feel it! 

I want to have a reason to actually feel pain.....

It’s hurts that bad .... that......

That I want to do it ! 😢 

Lost...Forever

Am I in the wrong for wanting to run away? I’m not sure how much I can handle. My life is a mess more than it’s ever been.... what can I do to make it all better? I just want to stop hurting, I want to actually be able to smile and not just fake it...


My heart hurts every time I breathe.. I want to just lock myself in a room and cry! But I can’t...
I’m tired of having people talking in my ear and making me confuse about things. Everything was ok until I got pregnant & that’s where everything went down hill. 


My baby is the greatest blessing & I don’t want her to later on sufferer because of everything. I want to give her the life she deserves.. I want her to be able to have her family together whenever she wants. But I’m not sure if that’s ever going to be possible without having people making faces at each other! 

I deserve to be happy... that’s all I’ve ever wanted to be! 

But I’m not..... 

I feel like I’m dying! 

I don’t even know who I married anymore.... everything was just lies! 

If I knew about this before ... I wouldn’t have stayed.... I would have went and did my life elsewhere!
Maybe it would have been better... maybe I wouldn’t have suffered so much... maybe I would still be complete! 


But no, I’m shattered! 

Nothing will ever mend me together. 

I’m dust.... lost in the wind with everything else! 

Broken 😢

I can’t do anything but cry...... I try to distract myself but I just end up remembering and all I do is cry. It’s all too painful... it’s all so fresh! I don’t know if I can forgive this time. I’ve given my life and soul just for it to be stomped on. It’ll never be the same ... it just won’t! I’ve lost part of my heart 💔 a heart that once was red is now black!


Why??? That’s all I can ask is why?

Why did you do it?
Why didn’t you care?
Why didn’t you think of me?
Why was it an option?
Why hurt me?
Why her?
Why let her ruin us?
Why give her a reason to laugh at me?
Why give her the power?
Why did you have to break me?
Why was I not enough?
Why make me hate myself even more?
Why did you even stay with me?
Why did you even bother to touch me again?

JUST FUCKING WHY ?!?!?!?!?